i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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