I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
