eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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