i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
