I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
