id be glad to
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
