Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Where did you get a picture of my penis
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
