You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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