North Korea, Best Korea!
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
