Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
