I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
