So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize