nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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