Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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