sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
