I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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