I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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