Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize