i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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