if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
