Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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