I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
