K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Randomize
