Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
