maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
