I puked a lego.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
