What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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