I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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