He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
