I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
