end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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