whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Randomize
