sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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