Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
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