so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
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I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
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I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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