Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
