I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
