In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
