Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Randomize
