I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
