I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
