Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
party gras won. party gras always wins.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
