Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I FOUND THE LEGS
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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