nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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