So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
