Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
