his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
