he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
