So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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