that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I stole a fireplace last night.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
