Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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