I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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