We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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