I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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