Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
