is your mom at the bar?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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