Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
