How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Randomize