go do what you do best...puke behind churches
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
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