There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
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