You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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