that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
