Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
