it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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