you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
